IMPORTANT SOCIOPOLITICAL ACTIVISM August 26, 2019 The Playhouse does not take our position as the last bastion of integrity in sports journalism lightly. We understand we cannot be silent about the issues that affect the people. This isn't Michael Jordan's Sweatshop, we take pride in our duty to be a role model for the children, and a force for political change. It is for this reason that when we saw ESPN announce the 2019 lineup of their magazine's annual Body Issue and neglected to include Sammy Sosa, we knew we had to start our next campaign. Sammy Sosa's Playhouse is proud to announce our Change.org petition to Feature Sammy Sosa in the ESPN Body Issue. This campaign will be a major focus of The Playhouse from this day on. SERIOUS FUN: PETITION TO FEATURE SAMMY SOSA IN THE ESPN BODY ISSUE |
Two updates in one day? Three updates in one weekend? Looks like Players' Weekend is truly Playhouse Weekend, especially for all our Fascionista fans out there. You knew this one was coming. It's Francine Fash's takedown on the Players' Weekend uniforms.
If your eyesight is accute to actually read the backs of the MLB jerseys this weekend, then you've noticed that every player has a nickname on the back. Raise your hand if you actually knew more then five of the nicknames before this weekend. Indeed, we've fallen quite far from the days of Crime Dog and the Big Hurt, and Abe "Knuckleball" Schwartz is here to tell you why that's a problem in the latest BON.
Major League Baseball's attempt to make non-pedophilic adults care the Little League World Serious corrupted last weekend's Cubs-Pirates series. Careful what you wish for, Rob Manfred and Theo "Jeffrey" Epstein, because the Little League Classic captured the attention of Playhouse Fascionista, Francine Fash. Uniform traditionalists might not like this one.
The Cubs may not be on WGN America anymore, but ESPN has made sure that the most popular Playhouse team is seen often by a national audience. As such, the politically post-geographic North side has the frequent "honor" of getting hear Alex Rodriguez commentate over the Cubbies, as they were officially dubbed during Sunday's Game of the Week against... the Pirates? Jajaja, that probably seemed like a better matchup in April.
A-Rod sent shockwaves through the Oppressed Gamer Community when he brought up, in a conversational tangent about the health of Kids These Days, that the current generation will not outlive their parents, and video games may be of blame. The Highly Heated Gamer agrees.
Highly Heated Gaming Moment: Alex Rodriguez is right, you fucking nerds
New Baseball Observer Newsletter
August 9, 2019 The Playhouse Faithful will remember when Abe "Knuckleball" Schwartz wrote that the 2019 repeat of the Home Run Race should incorporate face-of-MLB Mike Trout, and as soon as we published that column, Trout started hitting as many home runs as Yelich and Bellinger. On that note, Knuckleball has something to say about how the classic Home Run Chase should have been booked with the then-face of MLB, Ken Griffey Jr. Read all about it in our newest Baseball Observer Newsletter! Baseball Observer Newsletter: Ken Griffey Jr. should have stayed in the '98 Home Run Race |
Juicy New SASR
August 6, 2019 The nu-home run revolution has given baseball fans a seemingly weekly dosage of three-home run games. Professor Ian Corkscrew from the Society for American Sosa Research is here to remind you that this exciting and impressive feat has long been perfected by Sammy Sososa. |
A Message for Tony Kemp
August 4, 2019
You know the drill, pearls and jams. When Tyler Chatwood changed his jersey number from 21 to 32, The Playhouse celebrated and declared the Cubs to be cured from the curse brought upon them should any player wear Sammy Sosa's iconic jersey number. Apparently Tom Ricketts could not wait one meager, full season before redistributing the number which should have been flying high over Sheffield Avenue a decade ago. |
Hall of Fame
July 25, 2019 While we all remain disappointed and suicidal over yet another Hall of Fame class omitting Sammy Sosa, this year's class was one of the best years as far as Sammy Sosa's Playhouse is concerned. No matter which Playhouse team you are geographically or post-geographically inclined to cheer for, you had somebody from your favorite franchise legacy to honor in Cooperstown this past weekend. Each of our team correspondants have written tributes to the inductees pertaining to their respective organizations on their individual pages, accessible by clicking the corresponding Sammy Head on our front page toolbar. Jorge Bush and Stone Cold Steve Stone both had some words to say about Harold Baines, Jay the Gibbon had a glowing tribute for Mike Mussina, and Steve Goatman will murder you if you disagree with his Lee Smith opinions. We wanted to get this up during the festivities, but Jorge Bush was pretty depressed for some reason and we didn't feel right publishing everyone's work until he got over himself. |
What Ricketts Doesn't Like (In Sammy's Wardrobe)
July 21, 2019 I may not be the Fascionista that Francine Fash is, but I've got a keen eye for whenever Sammy Sosa's wardrobe changes. It's no yellow sweater, but unless you're Tom Ricketts, you'll want to read about Sammy's New Old Look. |
New Baseball Observer Newsletter
July 20, 2019 Countless Playhouse followers report to us that it was Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire's epic 1998 chase for the home run record that got them into baseball. If that applies to you, you're sure to have raised a brow or two at one of the current baseball season's "angles", as Playhouse columnist and retired professional wrestler Abe "Knuckleball" Scwartz calls them. Knuckleball just published a new Baseball Observer Newsletter about the 2019 Home Run Race. Baseball Observer Newsletter: Christian Yelich, Cody Bellinger, and the New Home Run Race |
Update on the Team News
July 18, 2019 All the team news pages have been updated; click the Sammy heads on the man page to see what the Playhouse teams are up to. In the interest of contentconsistency, The Playhouse is giving more liberty to our corresponds now that we're past the All-Star break. We found our higher standards for full articles and interviews were counterproductive to the point of covering modern teams anyway, which was for a steady stream of content. We'll leave the mandatory denstity to our columnists, who you should be hearing more from in the near future, and let the correspondants up their game when they see fit to. |
CAN YOU DIG IT?
July 9, 2019 Two updates in a row? We can dig that. You know what the Sammy doesn't dig? Needles, hence why he founded Injex21 for needleless injections. However, Sammy's fondness for pointing might make him sympathetic to a particular genere of tattoos being pioneered by son of Shaquille O'Neal, Shareef. Tattoos of Shaq-pointing are fine in themselves, but they can point to some deeper societal issues, as I have pointed out in our latest article. |
Welcome Home
July 8, 2019 Happy All-Star Break! The Playhouse knows better than to promise any quantifiable amount of content in celebration, but we do have a great column from our resident Fascionista, Francine Fash. She — as surely all of us do — pays special attention to baseball uniforms and couldn't help but take note of a very special episode of Cubs Jersey Things from the end of June. Don't pretend you don't know what I'm setting up here. |
#PRIDE
June 30, 2019 On the final day of Pride Month, The Playhouse will highlight the romantic story of the greatest gay rights icons, Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire. Our remarks about this 90s power couple have long been inferred to be a joke, but we wish to set the record straight on behalf on the entire LGBTQIA+ community. |
Quality Interview
June 26, 2019 The Balitmore Orioles introduced their #1 overall draft pick, Adley Rutschmann from Oregon, yesterday, and The Playhouse sent Albert Belle and Jay the Gibbon to speak to the upcoming star. |
Stone Cold Steve Stone on James McCann
June 26, 2019 All-Star voting wraps up tomorrow, and Stone Cold Steve Stone thinks today's Battle of the Sox showed us why whit Sox catcher James McCann is All-Star worthy. |
f5 Season
June 25, 2019 It has been five days since you've heard from us. This is not because nothing significant has happened relating to The Playhouse, but we have had some technical troubles at our headquarters. In spite of this adversity, we are proud to present a feature we wanted launch the site with. Go to our homepage, keep refreshing like an deprived Wojbomb addict, and you can enjoy a randomized WACKY slogan. |
What Sammy Sosa Means to Professor Corkscrew
June 20, 2019 Rejection. Alienation. Obsession. Virginity. They're all apart of the daily experience for nerds everywhere. The Playhouse's resident nerd Professor Corkscrew is here to tell you how he is able to channel those negative energies into socially necessary productivity in the latest edition of What Sammy Sosa Means to Me. |
Sign the Guestbook!
June 19, 2019 Tired of online sports discussion with no sense of humor or edge? Can't keep up with a social media environment that demands the hottest of takes? Do you think upvotes and "likes" only feed the circlejerK? The Playhouse has you covered. You can join our brand new forum! At The Playhouse Forum you can discuss all your sports nostalgia and your opinions on the current sports world. You can have a sense of humor and embrace the site's insanity, or you can take things seriously. Anything goes. |
What Sammy Sosa Means to Us
June 18, 2019 We posted on Day 1 that we'd be celebrating the 30th Anniversary of Sammy Sosa's MLB debut by commisioning our staff to submit reflections on what Sammy Sosa meant to them. Senior editor Paul Hauss has submitted his, as have >Abe "Knuckleball" Scwartz, Francine Fash, and The Highly Heated Gamer. |
Our very angry, very drunken White Sox correspondant, Stone Cold Steve Stone, has some comments about Chicago's next star Dominican slugger, Eloy Jimenez and his statistically interesting distribution of home runs.
Welcome to Sammy Sosa's Playhouse
June 16, 2019 Welcome to the brand new Internet home of Sammy Sosa's
Playhouse! Aspiring Sosalogists have told us for years that it's too hard to
follow the online presense of Sammy Sosa's Playhouse. We are well aware how much
our affect the essence being of all our readers and how unfair it is to make you
guys search multiple platforms to get a peak of The Playhouse. With content
scattered across Facebook, LiveJournal, and Reddit, we understand the cries for
a united front. The Anniversary of Sammy Sosa's MLB debut is a time of deep
mediation and soul-searching for all of us, and since it is the 30th Anniversary
of that momentous occasion today, we decided to observe the holiday by answering
your prayers. |
The page with all the updates isn't the front page?
What is this, Geocites? June 16, 2019 For a site with such a highly
specialized subject matter, we sure do host a wide variety of content. From
written content such as our main research articles, columns, news updates for 4
different baseball teams, to themed and unthemed image galleries, it's a large
glass of juice. It might even be too large for oral consumption; you might want
to get it injected. That's what the News Update is for. This is the place where
we post about news, updates, and updates of news. |
Sammy can see you, why don't you see him? June 16, 2019 We will be adding image galleries with very specific themes, because Sammy Sosa is the gift that keeps on giving in terms of being photographed in weirdly specific ways. Might as well make our first image gallery consist of our favorite Sammy Sosa tendency, that his tendency to Point at Shit. |
It don't matter if you're black or white, but we are going to document the hell out of it. June 16, 2019
The two questions most frequently reported for keeping people up at night: |
What Sammy Sosa Means to Me
June 16, 2019 Sammy Sosa means a lot of things to a lot of people, and
the anniversary of his Major League debut is a time for us all to reflect on his
life. For the 30th Anniversary of Sammy's Debut, each presently contributing
member of The Playhouse will share a piece about what Sammy Sosa means to them.
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#PlayhouseClassics
June 16, 2019
Sammy Sosa's Playhouse is all about archival. Just as we archive the shit out of
Sammy, we're going to archive ourselves archiving the shit out of Sammy. We've
published a lot in different parts of the web, and a long-term goal of ours is
to host a copy of everything we've ever written on the web on SosaPlayhouse.cc [now SosaPlayhouse.com].
That daunting task is incomplete, but we have a lot of our old content published
here.
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It took this long to get to the first news update on
News Updates?
June 16, 2019
The Sammy Head toolbar on The Playhouse home page (Playhome Page?) will
take you to the news hub for whichever team the Sammy head you clicked on was
wearing a cap of. Each corrspondant has posted a welcome message on their
respective pages, but we decided to launch our Day 1 content with Chicago Cubs
content. |