Gentlemen, this is a time for celebration, as the man of the hour is so fashinoable that he can wear white after labor day in unconventional articlI believe fashion to be a venue that proves the shortcomings of democracy. "Freedom" in sports uniforms has lead to the saddest decline in Western Civilization. As we work to establish our fascist dictatorship we sorely need to restore dignity in sports fashion, we must study the pioneers who set the standards we shall forcibly return sports uniforms to after cleansing the design field of degenerates.

The greatest example we should look to is that set by the wardrobe of Sammy Sosa. Besides his objectively impeccable style, his carries a charisma which wields the power to convert victims of degeneracy back to a bath of civilized andmoral value; Sammy saved me from this path of degeneration. I am ashamed to admit there was a point in my life where I sympathized with the widespread disinformation that the cartoon bird was the superior Baltimore Orioles insignia, but then Sammy Sosa joined the Orioles and I recognized the error of my ways upon seeing his beautiful Dominican forehead model the realistic sketch of a zoologically accurate oriole. This is an dominating spiritual power of suggestion possessed only by the great Sammy Sosa. It is why I accepted the platform offered by Sammy Sosa's Playhouse.

We must secure the existence of our pinstripes and a future for our colred brims.