Steve Goatman: Greetins, Carlos. It is I, Steve Goatman, speaking on behalf of the vicious animals at Sammy Sosa's Playhouse. I owe you my gratitude for your physical arrival to this interview.

Carlos Gonzalez: No problem, thanks for having me. Sammy was a hero of my childhood for his visits to Venezuela.

SG: You have been deceived by your impressions — The Playhouse has no official affiliation with Sosa. We are but strong admireres of his spirit. My first question arises with regard to your presence in Denver as a visiting adversary. Does this institutional transformation confuse your human conditioning?

CG: You know, it is different. I spent a lot of time in Colorado and made a lot of great memories. The Rockies organization gave me everything but they were ready to move on and I am going to keep pleying wherever I can as long as I can.

SG: Although it is inescapable that no human ideal standeth sure, my eyes see blasphemy at your dress without purple and black. The Cubs do this always. I remember the shock of the 1900 Chicago Orphans clothing the flesh of the legendary Cleveland Spider, Cupid Childs.

CG: I didn't know about that, but it's great that the Cubs give these opportunuties. I'm honred to play for a team with this history where you know the fans are watching you as part of a history they remember.

SG: Did you pray for the Rockies fans to grant you forgiveness?

CG: It was the coolest thing that they cheered for me, if that's what you mean. I always loved those fans and I'm touched, but I tried not to worry about if they'd boo or cheer. My focus was on my game being as best as it could be. That they still root for me on another team is a blessing.

SG: Blessed are the victorious, cursed are the vanquished. Carlos, I remind you of my thanks. You shall bring victory to Chicago with your left swing. 'Tis almost as sweet as Billy Williams'.

Carlos: Wow, thanks. Billy swang a great bat.

SG: Yes, but not as sweet as the love of Satan. Disappear, Free Man Carlos.