Sammy Sosa's Playhouse

Chicago WHAT?!? Sox News?
Chicago White Sox News!

Baseball postponed? WHAT?!?
March 18, 2020

The sons of bitches upstairs had to get cute with Ol' Stone Cold, didn't they?
For once, the Sox were lookin' to have a damn good package for this season.
Dallas Keuchel, Yasmani Grandal, Edwin Encarnacion, Gio Gonzalez, and Steve Cisehk all signing as free agents.
Yoan Moncada signing longterm with Jose Abreu staying put as the captain of the crew.
You could have bet your bottom dollar on this White Sox team bringing cans of whoop-ass to every truckstop in the American League.
Passing a big gold belt around the South Side is sure as shit overdue after being smacked around like a dog for so long.
Then Robbie Manfred had to go and keep the Good Guys down.
It looks to Stone Cold like they're scared.
When this corona whatever-the-hell thing blows over, the White Sox are gonna show no mercy to the jackass suits that decided we weren't man enough to step up to the plate.
This is a message to the entire American League. The Sox are gonna kick your ass, and that's the bottom line, because Stone Cold Steve Stone said so.

If you build it...
August 8, 2019

Mark your little calendars August 13, 2020, cuz you might be surprised at what Stone Cold Steve Stone has gotta tell ya. The White Sox are gonna play the damn Yankees out in Iowa. WHAT?

Yeah, Iowa! MLB is doin one of them promotions for that Hollywood movie Field of Dreams. They'll be builidin a new stadium out in a cornfield in the middle of nowhere. 8,000 seats, no outfield bleachers, nothin fancy - IT'S A DAMN CORNFIELD! The Sox and the Yanks are gonna arive, kick ass, leave, then MLB gonna tear the damn park down right after. It'll probdably cost ya an arm and a leg, but Stone Cold Steve Stone has his insiders tellin him it's gonna be an ideal condition to drink a hell of a lot beer.

If you wanna see the Good Guys kick some Yankee ass in Iowa, GIMME A HELL YEAH!

July 25, 2019

Don't think I can't hear you bitches bitching about how Harold Baines don't deserve to sit in Cooperstown. Your ass don't deserve to sit anywhere else until you shut up and sit down for Stone Cold Steve Stone to tell you a story. You sons of bitches won't like it, but Harold Baines is a stone-cold Hall of Famer and that's the bottom line.

Quote your right field JAWS all you want and you won't get anywhere. The fact of the matter is that you don't know anything about your fancy stats you think are so important, because Baines was a DH, and damn fine one at that. Harold Baines was a starting player for nineteen years, which was longer than some of you self-proclaimed WAR experts have been alive. There are five DH's who have got more of your precious Wins Above Replacement in the time that Harold Baines was raising hell all over the MLB. WHAT?

Paul Molitor! WHAT?
Frank Thomas! WHAT?
Edgar Martinez! WHAT?
George Brett! WHAT?

All of them were some bad motherfuckers, and they're all in the Hall of Fame. Harold Baines is right with 'em, and he drove in more runs than any of them on that list.

You're not impressed by his .289/.356/.465 slash? Hit that for 22 goddamn years and that's not good enough for you? Your small hall ain't got room for that? You better talk to Reggie Jackson, 'cause he slashed .262/.356/.490 and you apparently don't have room for the baddest mother-shut-your-mouth Stone Cold Steve Stone ever met in the diamond. You might wanna hit the gym first, maybe get yourself a little manicure, some new shoes, and a good textbook 'cause you might think there's 9 months when Mr. October is done with your ass.

Y'all think Harold is only in because Jerry Reinsdorf is on the Veteran's Committee don't know that 11 other Veterans voted for Harold Baines. Not as many vote as with B-B-Dubya-whatever, but we're not talking prissy magazine writers on the committee.

We're talking Greg Maddux! WHAT?
Ozzie Smith! WHAT?
Joe Morgan! WHAT?
Robbie Alomar! WHAT?

You get the picture. Harold Baines has more Hall of Fame cred than you'll ever have. You can't keep the White Sox down forever. And that's the bottom line, because Stone Cold Steve Stone said so.

July 18, 2019

You think Stone Cold Steve Stone doesn't hear you pussies running your mouths? Cry, bitch, and moan all you like about how the Good Guys aren't good at all, the bottom line is that the Sox are still rebuilding and they're gonna kick some ass in the future whether or not you think it'll happen. It's gonna happen.

No, the White Sox aren't squashing everyone past the All-Star break, but nobody expected us to kick as much ass as we did in the first half. Gio is still the best pitcher in the American League. James McCann and Tim Anderson are still the toughest SOBs around. Yoan Moncada is a complete hitter. Add an Eloy Jimenez who knows how to get his ass on base and you got yourselves a motherfucking core. But we're not going to win until we get even stronger, and that's fine, you ungrateful sons of bitches.

The Indians are still good, but they're on way out. The Twins can't win two years in a row. The future belongs to South Side, and that's the bottom line, because Stone Cold Steve Stone said so.
JUNE 26, 2019

If you want James McCann to be the AL's starting catcher in the All-Star Game, give me a hell yeah! If you don't, you can kiss my ass, son.

JUNE 17, 2019

Eloy Jimenez is out there bringing his stunner on the road and some of you are surprised. Stone Cold Steve Stone isn't surprised. Here's why.

JUNE [3:] 16, 2019

It's about about time somebody gave Stone Cold Steve Stone my own website. I've been getting kicked around by Jerry Reinsdorf for seven years and it's about time somebody started serving White Sox news with a can of whoop-ass on the side! You can run your mouth about your fancy little website, that nice little blue checkmark, and everything you say matters to be real news source, but the bottom line is I've got the toughest White Sox news page on the internet. And that's the bottom line, because Stone Cold Steve Stone said so!