Sammy Sosa's Playhouse

Sammy and Miley

Written by Paul Hauss- January 11, 2018

When I first discovered Sammy Sosa with Miley Cyrus, I wondered if Miley Cyrus was even old enough to know who Sammy Sosa is. Then I wondered if Sammy Sosa was even young enough to know who Mile Cyrus is. Then, as I often do, I thought about Bill Clinton. When Chelsea Clinton first had her child whose name I don't care enough to DuckDuckGo, there was an interview with Bill in which he talked about how excited he was to be a grandfather, and how weird it is that one day that infant grandchild will learn that their grandfather was once the President of the United States. That's weird when you think about it, that for some portion of that child's life, they wouldn't know that Bill Clinton is President Bill Clinton. He'd just be grandpa at that point.

That's how I like to imagine the relationship between Sammy Sosa and Miley Cyrus, i.e., they have no idea about the celebrity status of the other. For all Sammy knows, Miley Cyrus is just some eccentric girl who twerks on shit and changes her hair a lot. For all Miley knows, Sammy is just some eccentric guy who points at shit and changes his skin color a lot. They're just friends as friends, not celebrities sharing their social capital. I imagine at some point Sammy and Miley would run into Kerry Wood or somebody, and Sammy and Kerry would reminisce about baseball and Miley would just be in total shock that Sammy is a baseball legend from before her time. Likewise, Sammy and Miley might run into Justin Timberlake, and as Miley and Justin discuss pop music or some shit, Sammy forgets how to speak English.