I wouldn't be caught dead watching overpaid cheating
cunts swing at sticks, but some satanic goatman from
(((Hell))) showed me a clip from the Cubs-Pirates game on
ESPN. The broadcaster was this guy named Alex Rodriguez, who
somehow landed J-Lo's sweet pussy even though he looks kinda
beta me, and he made a good point. Here's what that Mexican
had to say.
"This is the first generation of kids that will not
outlive their parents. And to think that there's more kids
today playing eSports than physical sports. And ad parents,
we have to really promote going outside and playing. When we
grew up, there was Atari but you had to go outside and play
for 4 or 5 hours. Kids today, too many times, choose to stay
inside and play video games."
The sportsball man is right. Look, I never chose to be
Gamer American. You think I like being pissed off all the
time? But it's in my blood, I haven't been able to ease my
digital libido ever since I got my aryan hands on Sammy Sosa
High Heat Baseball. And talk about that damn blood. I'm
bleeding all the time. My eyes bleed at the horrendous
graphics of the current-gen RBI Baseball revival. I got
blisters on my fingers from trying to nibble a backdoor
cutter in Mike Piazza's Strike Zone. Fucking N64 joystick.
Why is it on the cock anyway? Shouldn't it be on the left
prong? Why does a controller have cock anyway? What were
they thinking? It's like Nintendo wants me to be a queer or
All of this will undoubtably lower my lifespan. Has my
life in video games been worth it? Fuck no! I will be long
dead by the time the 3DO company finally answers the cries
for a third entry in the Sammy Sosa baseball series. Sammy
Sosa High Heat Baseball and Sammy Sosa Softball Slam are
literally the only video games ever made. Everything else
has been ruined my health.
MLB The Show gives me panic attacks. The Bigs 2 doubled
cholesterol rate. MLB2K10 was so shitty that when I touched
the game with a cut in my hand, it got infected and I had to
get the limb severed.
The youth who play these games and somehow survive these
public health risks will end up killing themselves anyway
from the sheer trauma.
Alex Rodriguez, whoever you are, if you want to set out
to destroy the entire video games industry and save our
white children, I am right there with you.